


It isn't possible, is it?

by Aggressive_Pillow



Series: The Outsiders POV [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo, BAMF Thorin, Fluff and Crack, Identity Reveal, M/M, Mistaken Identity, POV Outsider, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 04:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aggressive_Pillow/pseuds/Aggressive_Pillow
Summary: Bilbo and Thorin are travelling through Arda, and let a lot of jaws hang open in their wake once people realize who exactly they are talking to.





	It isn't possible, is it?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amhardwick78](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amhardwick78/gifts).

> OKAY so I did the thing. And i started out super serious, tried to build good characters and a good plot, and then at the end i just CRACKed. I'm sorry for this pun and the crack-y ending. But, enjoy!

Goldy was a simple tavern host. He was not very intellectual but picked up quite a lot from his customers that traveled trough Dell, a sleepy, small city on the travel route Rohan. Tales, stories and news – he knew them all. He often got sketchy figures, but they paid and no one dared to stir trouble thanks to Boer, a muscled giant who Goldy feed once when he was starving without money and now protected his tavern for three warm meals a day and a bed for the night. But he was more than an employee, he was the closest to a friend or family Goldy had.

Today, once again, he was more than thankful for Boer’s intimidating stature, because, due to the heavy rainfall outside, his establishment was now full of figures with coats drawn deep into their faces, letting everyone looking just a little more dangerous.

The door opened again and in walked two small figures in sturdy coats, faces well hidden. The coat of the smaller one of the two even reached down to the ground, not even showing his boots. He first thought they might be children, but then a very deep and very mature voice asked him for two warm meals and pints of ale. Had to be dwarves then. He rarely got them here, because the merchants traveling tended to keep to themselves. Well, the heavy rain must have drawn them in. And the small folk was known to definitely be able pay quite a lot. The pair of boots he could see certainly showed some complicated patterns over the steel-enforced tips.

They took a table in the corner, and while they waited for their food, he could hear their conversation. Though he was probably not meant to. He couldn’t help it, he had very fine ears, his grandma favored the lanky elves after all and well, his mom was quite the beauty… with a sharp earlobe.

“I’m not saying I told you so, you bloody oaf, but this whole debacle could have easily been avoided if you would just listen for once!”

“I tried to keep you safe!”

“The last time you said that I had to burn down three doors and sacrifice a perfectly good kettle to save your hairy asses.”  
“That was an entirely different matter!”

“How?”

“Uhmm… Well, technically, it was not my fault but Thrand-”

“He just asked me if I want some mushrooms!”

“See! He was trying to poison you!”

Goldy chuckled a bit. They were definitely entertaining, he had to give that to them. He went back to cleaning the mugs till two names caught his attention. He already often heard them in a lot of awing tales he was being told.

“-Bard and Thranduil are visiting too, did you know?”

“I feared.”

“Honestly, now you’re just being petty. They both helped you get your damn mountain back.”

Oh, so they were from the legendary Erebor? But why did they talk like they knew the grand Kings themselves?

“They both tried to stop me! Bard questioned my honour, Bilbo! My _honour_!”

“Because he didn’t fancied being roasted by a dragon, I don’t think you can hold that against him.”

Bilbo? Where did he heard that name before… And dragon? They surly couldn't be talking about Smaug the Terrible? The longer he listened the less sense the whole conversation made. Maybe they were practicing actors?

“Stop sulking. I’ll talk to them, make the negotiations. You can just stand there and try not to scowl all the time.”

“How do I deserve you, oh great Master Bag-”

“Oh, learning sarcasm now? Well, let me tell you what you did to “deserve” me – you raided my pantry and called me a grocer upon our first meeting.”

“I- well – no - I didn’t! The wizard said it was alright! We thought that food was for us! And I… Well, I had an image to uphold! Kili and Fili were there after all!”

he spluttered.

Wizard? A nickname for a friend? They couldn't mean an _actual _wizard, could they?! And Kili and Fili? He heard those names before too! But where? He was slowly getting nervous.

“I know, I know big guy. But let me tell you, somehow your pantry-raiding, warg-slaying rudeness endeared you to me and now I love you and am never letting you go again. You’ll have to put up with me the rest of your life. I have a ring to prove that.”

“As if I’d let you go again. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, my .”

Goldy had barley a moment to think “Damn, that’s sweet” before the door burst open.

“Uncle Thorin! Uncle Bilbo! We found Bard! ...And twig king, sadly.”

two young dwarves stormed in and had in tow a frigging elf with a crown – and was that a _moose_ – and a human too – did they mean Bard as in _King_ Bard – and wait did they say Thorin as in the frigging _“mighty dwarf king who has more wealth than you can count and oh yeah, he’s a __well-known__ hero too, __y’know dragon fighting and killing the terrific pale Orc is just his typical Tuesday__”_?? And _wait_, now he remembered the name Bilbo - _“Hello, yeah, this is Bilbo Baggins, he is a shadow who could kill you in your sleep without you even __waking __up and oh yeah, he married __M__r. mighty dwarf king and also riddled a frigging dragon, __and just you know, if you ever upset him you got nearly all of Arda on your ass out for blood__ – yeah he is more than you could ever dream to be”_. He was still stunned when they walked out… Wait, did they pay with a _saphir_?!

He looked at Boer. A look hung in both pairs of eyes, clouding they’re stunned minds, quickening the bold hearts and stealing breath out of enduring lungs, loud like a fanfare, silent and creeping like a shadow – What the fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> So this will be a connected One-Shot collection, a different Person each Chapter. I started with the next one, though I have no idea when I'll finish it. Honestly, it could be tomorrow or in three months. I don't even understand myself.


End file.
